I went through a time of writing poetry to vent all my feelings out.  Here is just one of those that I wrote.  You can read more, if you wish from here: http://mybookpoemsfromthedarkside.blogspot.co.uk/?zx=7db8bc077724626c

Poems such as Who am I?  They say...  Colour me Black and Tomorrow's Hope

Get Out of My Head

Lying on the kitchen floor, the plastic rug below,

How did I get down here?  I don't even know.

I feel him there against my skin, he's trying to get in,

What happened after that?  How do I begin?

I just don't know why, the how, if or why,

He did those things to me, so I can't even cry.

The memories I have are raw, yet they are so unclear,

I wish that I could tear them out, that would be my cure.

The memories are there still, yet so much is gone,

But do I need to know the truth even after so long?

How can I tell you of the pain you caused that day?

The pain of unknown memories never goes away.

Being five should be about the candy and the smiles,

Being able to laugh and shout and run for miles and miles.

But being five means pain to me and hatred deep inside,

For the pain you made me see and the dreamy tears I cried.

I hate you YOU bastard!  Of that you can be sure!

But I hate you so much more for the things you did to her.

Why do I feel guilty when it was you who caused her pain?

Why do I feel guilty?  I was too afraid to complain.

Stay away from me and mine!  Family you may have been,

But you crossed the line leaving me unclean.

But you were not the only one to blame for all the pain,

For even after they all knew nothing ever changed.

They didn't know it was me too I hid my secret well,

But it was there for all to see if they cared enough to tell.

I still had to see you, I couldn't say a word,

For you were her oldest son, my tears were never heard.

I didn't want to dream, but still I had to hope,

No wonder I forgot it all, how else could I cope?

I wish it was so easy to just say you are dead,

But it isn't so fucking easy to get you out of my head!