Mental Block gets a head start

Thursday 6th September

Oooom today is a hard one!    I have this need to binge, even though I know I am not hungry and I will only feel like crap after.

So I have banned myself from the kitchen.  I am upstairs in my bed and that is where I intend to stay.  I have had my tea, and also scoffed down a huge bag of microwave pop corn and all I keep thinking about is the taste of cream crackers, thick with butter and full of cheese!  Then it's the soft bread, again, thick with butter.  I want crisps and lucky we don't have anyone, only number 3 daughter has and they are in her room ready for her to begin collage next week to take with her.

 Instead I have a skinny cappacino  with a little squirty cream on top   , (a lot better than what could be!)  It's only day 3 for goodness sake!  How am I ever going to get to my target weight if I can't even manage a week?

 I know I have issues with it......   mental blockage that I have to over come, but that doesn't usually kick in until I have lost some weight, this time it's getting a head start!  Things happened to me as a child that I could not control and I thought if I got fat then it wouldn't happen (it still did) now, ever since then if I begin to lose weight it kicks in and kicks me in the teeth for good measure.  I mean, I'm 39 years old for goodness sake, isn't it about time it let up?  Isn't it about time I let it go?  I'm going to fight it, and keep going.  I am hoping there will this breaking point where I can push through, and then start to enjoy losing weight instead of always feeling like I am doing something wrong.    It's gotta be there somewhere, doesn't it?