I think using and smelling my witches herbs last night actually had an effect. I went to bed with the question on my mind and I had, what I think was a prophetic dream. It was about me and R. We were together and I don't remember most of the dream, but what I do remember was R telling me he loved me and I was his future, and I cried with happiness. Was this just a trick of the mind? Did those herbs have an effect? I don't know. When I ask R about the future he says he doesn't know, he just lives day to day and then he says, "But that's not good enough for you, is it?" I don't know how to answer because he is right, it isn't good enough. I need constant reassurance that I'm worth loving, that I am needed and wanted. I'm just not sure he can give me that. On a brighter note I put my name down to volunteer in a charity shop, Dial-A-Ride. I start 9.30 Monday. Just doing a few hours for now, I don't want to rush into work again and then find I can't cope, even if I want to, I have to be smart and kind to myself. It's scary though, it's been a long time since I worked.
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