Fuck you mood

Wednesday 1st September

We talked about the family, how they make me angry when they take the piss and why I can't say no.  Blah, blah, blah.....  Heard it all before.  I can't say no because I feel I have to be the one that helps, cares and be in my 'mother role' because it's all the things I never had.  I can't say no because I was never allowed to say no when I was a child, no matter what anyone said or did, or how it made me feel, I could never say no.  Like I didn't already know all that.  How the trauma of the past is affecting my life now, and then she drew the fucking diagram!!  Like I haven't seen that before.  And how we are going to work on that rather than on what happened in the past.  Yeah, good luck with that!  Self loathing- you're pretty, you're worth it, you're worth being loved and all that bullshit they tell you when they are working on self esteem issues.  Breathing exercises for anger, I have to take 5 min every day to some yoga type breathing and record what I think, what I feel, where I am, it's all crap really.  But I'll do it cuz she's the one with the fancy title to her name.  Do I think it will help?  Like fuck I do!  But we shall see.  Maybe I'm just in a 'fuck you' mood this week.