We talked about my other councelling sessions today. How it went and how I just got left, as if I didn't matter. We talked about "Not Ivy" inside me, who actually likes the name Lisa but I just felt too stupid to tell her that. The angry, evil, cruel one locked in a cave deep inside, screaming to be let out, to be set free. She says I have a way to connect to Lisa, talk to her, listen to what she has to say instead of pushing her away and keeping her locked up inside. She just doesn't understand how bad she would be if I let her out, set her free. The things she would say and do would be so bad, so cruel and evil. There is a part of me that knows Lisa and I are the same person, but there's another part of me that says No, I can't be her! The things she wants to do and say, cannot be me. She says she will help me connect to Lisa and from all the books I have read on the subject I am pretty sure she will help bring the two of us together, as one person instead of how we are now, but who will that new person be? I just don't know.
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